Inner Peace or Peace of Mind - Isn’t it something that we all wish to gain? However, for most of us, it's surely not a piece of cake. Why is it then so hard and what can shake our piece of mind?
I recently published my first blog post and I received beautiful feedback in regards to taking a leap of faith and fearlessly following my dreams. I sincerely want to Thank You all for the kind words and encouraging feedback that I have received. A friend of mine said that "I wish I had your courage to follow my dreams" and another friend said, “you are so brave”. Oh man, to be brutally honest, it's not just that I am always holding my shit together and bravely taking a leap of faith and following my dreams. Not at all! Also, my brave decisions sometimes lead me into hairy and complicated situations, most often financially.
For a long time now, I have been waking up to a new day all freaked out, because my financial circumstances are so unstable. I need to have a serious pep-talk within myself in the beginning of the each and every day, and I need to find the inner peace through meditation and breathing. Again, and again, morning after another and sometimes multiple times during a day. Some of these days I am all time high as I truly love and believe into my job and what I am doing, but some days I want to scream out aloud that "fu*k you world, fu*k you universe, why is everything is so frigging hard and why on earth have I chosen this path?!" Luckily everything in life is temporate, so these feelings shall pass too and in the end it's only money.
However, I have never ever been so stressed and stretched out about the money than I have been for last five to six years. Especially, after I decided to establish a limited company and employ myself as an entrepreneur. I dare to say that most of you cannot even imagine, what's my version of being short in cash. It's brutal, and I am so much in depth without regular income that I surely is shaking my inner peace and peace of mind every single day. Literally, from a moment I wake up until I go to bed in the evening. As a conclusion, yes, I might have been brave, and I have followed, and I will do follow my dreams, but wholy shit it's been a wild and scary ride and I have no idea how it will end up.
Yes, taking a leap of faith requires courage, it is like dropping in to a sweet free ski-line from a highest peak of a mountain, there is a risk that you stumble, hurt yourself or even get caught with an avalanche and die, but there is also an opportunity that you will end up having the sweetest ride of your life! You can assess the risk, but you cannot know until you drop in. I am personally in a situation that I have dropped in, I have stumbled, and I can feel the avalanche chasing my ass. Next couple of moments are crucial and I cannot know how this will end up. All I can do in this very moment, is to go with the flow and deal with the consequences. I can only be honest to myself and let go what doesn't serve me or my life purpose and move on. If I am still alive when I hit the rock bottom, then I will deal with the consequences and start fixing the damage.
I could blame others involved not contributing enough, I could blame life circumstances and society, or I could blame my parents and thought/ behavioural patterns that I may have inherited from them when it comes to money and what not, but let’s be honest who am I trying to be kidding? My current situation is a direct reflection of my previous actions and my previous thoughts and anyone else can fix them unless I do. At least I first need to be brave enough to ask for help. I cannot run away from it anymore, but I am forced to face my inner demons from eye to eye. I now realize that yes, I have taken a leap of faith, but I have lost the trust, confidence and my personal power. Instead of trusting to my own intuition in terms of picking the best ski line, I have given away my personal power and let the outside circumstances take control of my life in terms of business and personal life. I thought that if I just work harder and harder things will eventually fall into a place, and eventually money will flow in. I have tried to avoid conflict in particular relationships or circumstances, therefore I haven’t been honest to myself nor others, I haven’t stood my ground when I should had, and I have done error estimations within my decisions as I have been trying to please everyone around. I have put everyone else's needs first and forgot myself, and in the end I did not please anyone, the least myself. Also, a great question to ask is that did anyone ask me to do it? No, I just let my let my ego-mind to build those expectations in my head in regards to what I thought I should do as a good and responsible person. Anyone or anything can take advantage of ourselves unless we make ourselves available to it.
This has all been shaking my peace of mind for a past year or two. First step now is acceptance, but also appreciation that how far I have come, and then letting go off denial that everything should be under control, as anything in life is under control and never will. Next step after acceptation and appreciation is forgiveness, first of all I need to forgive and be gentle to myself by acknowledging that I have truly done my best, I have given my everything, and if it’s not enough, then it’s not meant to be. I have to forgive to myself and others involved that things didn't go by the book. I must be gentle to myself and understand the learning process behind the circumstances, I must appreciate how far I have come and value this experience as a great teacher and source for my future work within my soul purpose.
I may have not stood my ground, as well as I may have given away my personal power. Nor I have not taken good enough care of myself, which has led me into exhaustion and depression a few months back, however after all through these experiences I have definitely reached into the next dimension on my own path. I most likely wouldn't had travelled this fast if everything went well. Most importantly I now appreciate everything even more, myself included, but also my family, my life partner and my friends who have been supporting me through the process. All of our experiences and how others are treating us is direct reflection of our own inner world and how we see and appreciate ourselves. Anyone is perfect, we are all in our own journey trying to do our best, and bearing this in mind I can then forgive, first to myself, and then for rest of the world too. As long as we do all of the decisions from the heart instead of the brain we should not be able to hurt ourselves or others, yet we remain in a state of inner peace and love. It’s not easy, but it’s worth of practice.
As a conclusion we are all here in the earth-plane trying our best to live this the fullest we can according to our own perception of everything. Everyone are experiencing things from their current state of consciousness. Everyone, most likely, are doing their best in their life, in their current circumstances according to their best knowledge. It’s all about collective reflection of our own insecurities, fears and feelings. The more centred and aligned we are within our heart-consciousness, the easier it is to stay within our personal power and intuitively follow our inner guidance, therefore attract those people and circumstances into our life that serve us the best and for the highest good of all. We are all loving, heart conscious beings, therefore we should stick together and help each other's to rise and shine!
Until the next time, take care of yourself!
Photos by Pete Longworth