Nobody Can Make You Happy, but Yourself.Mar 08, 2022
I hope you are well. I have been pondering life and love. I sometimes catch myself wanting or needing my partner to do something to make me happy. I am subconsciously expecting some behavior from him, and then I am upset as he treats me poorly. At least in my mind, that's how I take it as I had the scenario in my head. Listen, once again, anyone can make us happy if we are not radiating happiness around us. Today is International Woman's day, and yes, of course, it would be wonderful if our partner came home with a beautiful bunch of flowers. However, what if he's not the flower kind of guy? So we would just let ourselves down if we secretly hoped for him to do that. Please re-read the sentence. Yes, correct. I would be letting myself down if I put those expectations into my head, not that he would let me down. Do you see the difference here? Sometimes our expectations or illusions will play tricks with us, and then we may be frustrated with our partner or someone we have laid our expectations over. In this case, there are two options; Either reset the mindset or change the guy or person in your life.
You cannot change anyone, but yourself.
For the future, I recommend changing the mindset. After resetting your thoughts and behavior, you will see whether the person is right for you. Why is this? Happiness comes within, and any person, money, or material thing can bring it unless you are happy, whole, and healed. As long as we seek happiness from relationships, it will be more like neediness and codependency between two people. I am sorry to be brutal, but it is a grand illusion that "once I meet the guy of my dreams, we will live happily ever after." I dare say that is absolute horse shit because no other person will make you happy until you have done some shadow work within yourself. Yes, the person can bring happiness, joy, and love into your life when you are in the right place and alignment with your soul. However, anyone rescues you or will be missing part that will magically make everything fall into place without you both committing to the work that it takes. Remember, this goes another way around too; You are not here to make someone happy, and anyone should lay their demands on you. When two people who love themselves unconditionally meet, that can be a flourishing and loving relationship.
Put your hand up. Who loves themselves unconditionally?
No matter how much work you have done within yourself, how deep you have dug into your shadows, relationships are like a torch lighting up those shadows and making them visible again. The more you understand yourself and what triggers your deep-seated belief patterns, the more aligned you are within your soul and the easier it will be to navigate in the relationships. The more compassionate you can be to yourself, the more you can love yourself, and only then can you unconditionally love people around you. It's not like two people should be all ready when they enter into a relationship, not at all, but they have to be willing to grow together and be equally present to each other. Most importantly, they must understand that they are both responsible for their shadow work. Anyone can or should dump their shit-load into someone else. However, it's a great idea to let the other person know that "this is what I am dealing with, and I will take full responsibility for it, but now you know where I am coming from."
Anyone can build a flourishing relationship by themselves. If there is no open line of communication, it won't be easy. I believe we all know how lovely and comfortable it's at the beginning to show your feelings, talk about everything, love, and be loved. However, when the relationship goes more profound and we have something to lose, the sceletons march out of the closets, and our old traumas take over. My moment of crystallization was when I realized that all of us deal with some trauma. Whether it's a life-threatening event in the past or something, such as a childhood friend leaving us down, it always leaves a mark on our body. Our bodies are so intelligent that they recognize it all; even conscious, we would not register that we just went through something unpleasant such as a stranger giving us the finger in the traffic or whatnot. Our bodies feel it all, and if the feelings are not processed and released, they start building up and make an emotional burden that can trigger in different situations.
What to do when triggered?
Trauma is always an emotion in the body that takes over when triggered by some stimulus. It's good to remember that all feelings and thoughts shall pass; therefore, it's an excellent idea not to act while triggered. What you can do is observe what's going on, what this situation or circumstances is bringing up, and what you can learn from that? How could you face the situation with loving kindness and compassion? The more conscious we become, the easier it is to recognize patterns and loops dictating our behaviors. We can re-code our neural network in the pre-frontal cortex and build new healthy thoughts and behavioral patterns. The mindset reset is a worth commitment as it's changing you and the world around you. I keep it short and sweet. However, if this resonates with you and you are ready for the inner work, let me know, and we can discuss it further on a 30-minute discovery call, which you can book by my website. I will also invite you to join my free webinar on Sunday, March 13, at 10:30 AM (EET).
Happy International Women's Day to all of the fellow females worldwide!
Remember to treat and pamper yourself today and every day of the year as you are well worth it. Always.
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